Goodbye November :)

Hi baby boy, I figured I should write you now while im feeling better. I was so upset earlier. I hate how my moods get. I hate how much I can miss you. I wish it was easier. My day just started off with me feeling so tired and low. Then I received an email, from HR saying that I needed to turn in forms in regards to when I was out On FMLA and forms for you. It made me up set. Mainly because of you, your not here. Also because after you died like a month after I saw all the health insurance forms and all the HR stuff that I would have needed. Well I threw it all out. One of those forms I guess was to be filled out by the doctor when I returned to work. I did not want to have to go back to the doctors and have to get forms filled out. I just did not want to go there. I told the Hr lady that I had thrown everything out and that you had died so I dont have anything. This put so much anxiety and reminded me of my sadness and lack of you in life. It all worked out though. I dont have to go back to the doctors and ask them to fill anything out. But that just set my mood in for the day, and then at work one thing happened after the other. I really wanted to just go home.
When I did finally get to leave the drive seemed forever. But when I got home your dad was wonderful. I was able to talk to him about my crappy day, he even had time before work to drive to the store and get us   fatty candy. We played with Beanz and the laser pointer outside. My mood was improving.  I even went to the gym. I just got back. Max I feel better, your dad, chocolate, and working out was just the medicine I needed.
I think I want to take something to help me sleep tonight though. I really would like to sleep one night all the way through. With out waking up, with out really bad or disturbing dreams, with out really bad cold sweats, with out waking up and wondering where you are and as if its all been a dream. I hate when I wake up happy and then all of a sudden realize your not here. You would think that would be over, but no I still wake up and then realize I dont have you here.
But enough of all that, Im doing better then I was. I really need to keep it all together.
I love you so much.
Oh GOODBYE November, I will not miss you.  Hopefully december will go fast and then I can get to the new year and start life over. Well start a new year.