Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Dead means you dont come back.
I just had a thought , that all this writting. I think i was secertly wishing that you were going to come back and that one day when were both older I could share this with you. Over the past few days I have been saving every entry on a thumb drive, and then printing everything out. Max I had no clue how much I have written to you. Im sitting here transfering every thing over so I can save it, and you are not here. You will never share this me. What was I thinking. It not like I can pull this out when your 18 and I can share with you how much I missed you when you were a baby. There is no coming back once your dead is there.
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Sometimes I feel like I comment too much on here and that I say the same things over and over. Even if it's annoying, I hope you know that it's done with good intention, I really like getting comments on mine, because then I remember I'm not alone in dealing with all this *stuff* My beliefs are a little different that most peoples, since I consider myself a Taoist/Buddhist. And then I also believe in spirits (which are really just energy, but I probably shouldn't as Taoist/Buddhist, I haven't figured it all out yet.) But anyway, in the Tao te Ching, it says "Love never dies." And of course, those we love die, but the love that was between us does not, it is it's own energy in the universe, it doesn't ever really leave. I find comfort in that, I don't know that you would. So maybe Max can't come back to you now, but that doesn't mean it won't ever happen, no one knows what happens next...Maybe he can read these and you will meet again, and he'll have known how deeply you loved him, from the moment he was created. And how proud you are to be his Mom, because you always will be. I hope for you just to feel "ok" today, please just do what feels right to you. *love*
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I like and appreciate comments. Thanks Dal.
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