Hi max!im installing car seats tonight. Right now I'm on a break waiting for the next but I just installed one for a healthy premie named max. It made me a little sad because I don't have you here, but mostly made me think of you. Makes me miss you more then I all ready do. 

Love you my max!

Loving and missing you. Today is your 28th month. Crazy! Crazy that I should have a 28month old and crazy that you have been gone for 28 months!

I hope your brother inside me us doing well. I don't want to lose another baby. 

Everything scares me and this anxiety is probably not good. But I get side cramps on the same side that I had awful pains with you. It's diffrent but still scares me. I feel on my belly. I tripped once with you. Everything with you this baby has something very similar. Both from the Ivf batch, both boys. Both anterior placentas, both cramps in the same spot, both falls. Both boys.

My glasses when I look at the corner of my eyes seem to have this floating light.it makes me think of you. My light. 

I miss you little boy. Things are hard lately. Your dad is not doing well and it scares me, he needs happiness, he needs something to go right.

Your sister is amazing. I know you would live her! I wonder if you two would look alike at this stage. This baby in my belly reminds me if you and I'm scared. 

I love you