12pm Max I could/want to write to you all day. I should get motivated and go to the gym or something. I have been eating so much. Your daddy just made me laugh.I would be nothing with out him. Max Im a little anxious for tonight. Why are people so nice.
1pm Max I think im going to go to the gym but your daddy is waiting for an email, for something he has to deal with for work. So I will wait until 130 and let him sleep. Then I will go. But im not sure If I will have enough time. Its to cold to run outside, even though it is a nice day.
Max im ok right now. Just really missing you. I saw your dad staring at your picture. I dont think he noticed me staring at him.
Max am I always going to feel this sad and empty. Im I going to continue to feel this way even on days that seem ok. Last night I told your daddy I love looking at the lines in your hands. your daddy said he loves everything about you. Max somedays I want to run away.
Im hungry again, im like a mad cow and wanting to eat all the time lately.
3:10Max I never made it to the gym, but thats ok. I attempted to do a fitness dance video on-demand but baby for being half Spanish I have NO rhythm so it was pointless. SO I did some push ups and abs.
MAx I did manage to go to the store to fill a prescription. It gave me something to do other then lay around. Im waiting for the clothes to dry so I can take a shower. Max when I was at the store, I got an idea for a friend. I also decided that Im going to get a baby's first christmas ornament. Even though your not here it is still going to be your first christmas. I did not like any at the drugstore So I thin Im going to look for one online. Im not going to get a christmas tree or do any decoration. But in general I love all holiday decorations. So in years to come when I feel like it again. I want to have your first ornament. Max I remember after you died, people are so nice, but dont know what you need. I understand that. So I have an idea. Max sometimes I get ideas but do nothing with them. Maybe thats the ADD in my I think a lot , I create a lot in my head. But this one will be my mission. I know you, know but I will type it to you later. Max I need to get in the shower now, so I can get ready for tonight. Im getting real anxious. I am beyond touched, but feel awkward. Awkward that someone would do this for us. Peoples niceness has always surprised me and continues to make me what to be a better person. I wish Max that I was a bette person for you. Max the tears are coming.
Its weird this day. this day as the day they put you in me, is hard. Harder then the day I thought was three months, harder then the real 3 months. This day was the day you begin to grow with in me. This day forever has changed my life. Yes you died on 8/16/2011 but this date 11/19 in 2010 is the day you and I became connected. Its a little neat that this is the date, people are being so kind and getting together for you. Max I need to shower before I loss the ability I have to keep it together.
Love you
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