Baby the day is coming to an end (well for me) Max I went to the gym, it was a real crappy run, but thats ok. I lifted a little on my legs. Going is still much better then sitting on the couch. Max I almost made the day with no tears. When at the gym I heard a song, from a band that says the most bizare, messed up things with such catchy music. It made me feel good almost. Like ha ha we live in a world were so many people/things pretend to be someone/something else all the time. Made me have a little pep in my step I guess. Made me laugh because I forgot how I find it funny/ironic. But just as music made me feel good it also made me feel so sad. On the way home I heard a song, that broke me. It made me cry and cry. The funny part Max, is it made me cry mostly when I was singing out loud. Its weird how If I keep things inside I am contained, but when I speak or this case sing, hearing things out loud makes me cry. Max I was not crying that much for you though. I found my self crying for someone else. I wish people did not have to feel any pain. Life is confusing. I was sad for you and I, as well, but the sadness as a whole was for the pain of loss someone else is beginning to feel. Max the song is not even a sad song really, it just made me feel that way when I started to sing out loud.
Up and down all in a half hours time. Music has such an impact.
Max today went a lot better then I anticipated it did this morning. Which is why I try to keep my head on straight. I told you before I try to stay positive but Im also a realist.
Max your daddy told me he was sad all day today. I wish I could take it for both of us. I feel like I can handle more.
Max baby things are ok and I love you for that. Your my little love and always will be. Im hoping to drug my self (with melatonin and benadryl) and crash as soon as I can. Less time awake is always better, Goodnight my angel.
(Song I was talking about were Third Eye Blind-Non dairy creamer and then Old Crow Medicine Show-Wagon wheel.
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