Good morning my little love. Today I am ok, so far so good. I had to get up early and go to a doctor’s appointment. I am so tired but I did sleep better, well I woke up a lot, but I did not have any disturbing dreams. I’m ok with that. I would rather wake up just because I’m a super light sleeper then to wake up to awful dreams.
Today is December 1st, I hope this month goes by fast. I want this year to be over. I’m worried though that I have false hope for how I will feel come January. I’m worried that I’m putting way to much hope in just a month from now.
Max I feel ok today. I really am struggling with how much I miss you and the idea that you really are gone, and that this is not how I had thought my life would turn out once you were born. But I guess I’m getting better at dealing. That does not mean the feelings are getting any better, just different I guess. Either way it sucks but I can let it control me. Max I really wish I could see you, just look at you, know you are ok. I know that’s impossible, just another one of my selfish wishes. Your dad asked me yesterday what I want for Christmas. I said you.
Well happy December, the weather outside sure feels like it. That warm weather we had recently was to good to be true.
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