Hi my love. Today was ok overall. I just notice that I feel so angry a lot. But today was still ok. Im really tired, I gave in tonight and took benadryl. I cant take another night of being exhausted and then not being able to fall asleep. So at least tonight I will fall asleep weather or not I stay there is different. Considering I went from melatonin and benadryl every night, taking one benadryl for the first time in 3 days is ok. Max im also still walking on the edge of being sick. I have no clue how im not full blown sick yet, I wish It would just come and get over with. Its been lingering around.
Baby I am so HUNGRY today, I feel like I could eat all night. I even ate lunch today. I feel like I cant get full today. The funny part is we really have no food in the house (or thats edible) but I somehow keep finding something to put in my mouth. Oh well.
Your dad is real frustrated tonight. Work really gets to him, I hate seeing him stressed. On top of being super busy his work computer/network is messed up tonight, so he cant get everything done. I can hear him down there freaking out. Your poor daddy. Maybe you can look out for him.
Max my day was ok, for the first time since I have been back at work I walked out when I was supposed to leave. I walked out with tons of other people who work for the county and it was ok. yes I had changed out of my uniform and had a on hoodie, but I was ok. No one stopped to say anything, I just keep my head down or forward, took the stairs in the parking garage to avoid the elevator ( I dont like the elevators) . I was fine, I got in my car took a deep breath and drove home.
I might take one more benadryl just to make sure I fall asleep. Plus it might be better just to end the day.
Max thanks for the past two days. I dont feel so sad. I do feel real angry though and frustrated, but I seem to have a little more confidence in my everyday task's. Maybe being so angry with everything is better then being so sad. Maybe this is just somehow a temporary break. Either way its ok and I do not miss you any less, but its ok.
Well hopefully sleep will come. Maybe tonight will be the night I meet you in my dreams.
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