Good morning baby boy. I so tired. The good thing is that I did not need to come into work until 10 today because of working night court. Max I don’t know why I was so sad last night. It just hits me sometimes and I have no control of it. So far today im ok. Im starting to get real bothered for tomorrow. I’m starting to get a bit overwhelmed and anxious. I don’t want to disappoint your daddy and his mom, or my family. I just want to stay home alone on the couch. I don’t want to eat all the yummy food, I will just over eat anyway. I really, really just want to stay home and be alone with, Beanz and your bear.
Max I feel like a big disappointment. I know in my heart I should go and maybe I will change my mind. I just don’t want to and I wish it would not be such a big deal to everyone else. Your daddy say’s its ok, but really I know its not. He keeps asking me if I have changed my mind. If he was truly ok with it he would not be asking me over and over.
Max I’m getting sick, this time I think its for real.
Max I hate that in a room full of people I feel so lonely and just empty with out you. I hate that something is so wrong. I hate that you are not in my life the way I think you should be.
I really hate this sad feeling. Hate feeling so low and empty. Some days it seems ok, then other days are like this where I want to cry over anything. Were this gray color just lingers in the background.
Oh well baby. This is life. I won’t feel like this everyday (I hope)
I love you more and more everyday and seem to miss you more and more everyday as well.
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