A surprise in the mail.

Sorry little boy, here I go writing again. Im SO tired, I really think today is a day off from running day. I feel so mentally and physically exhausted. I did lift a little on my lunch break though. I dont get hungry during the day, so there for there is no need to eat. I don't want to take a break and walk around or go outside, who knows who I will run into. But I was tired of sitting so I went into our work gym and lifted a little bit, nothing spectacular. Max baby I have always held tension in my shoulders, I was hoping it would help relive some of the knots. Nope still hurts. Max I feel so lazy (partly because I am)  I just want to lie on the couch, and snuggle with the blankets.
Max a necklace came in the mail today. I have no idea who its from, there is no card or anything. I absolutely love it, its wonderful, it goes so perfect with another one I have. Its hand made. A silver flat circle charm one side says MAX and the other has a drawling of a Toad. I like the sound it Makes when your forget-me-not flower its it. Max it was nice surprise in the mail among bills and junk mail. Its super thoughtful and Im so grateful, and feel so undeserving of this kindness. Max your so loved, not only by me but by so many others.  Its funny cause I never really wore Jewelry before. But I love my necklaces. I love having you around my neck. I love wearing your ashes (I know that sounds strange) Your forget-me-not with your birthstone and now your name. Your perfect name MAX with a little toad. Max its strange how I can feel loved by someone, enough to give me such a thoughtful gift but yet feel so alone and empty at the same time.

Max im ok- I think, im just really tired.  I really just want to lay here. Your daddy is getting me some coffee, on his way home from the bank. I really need to clean this weekend, thats going to be my weekend goal.
Max I never watched Bones last night.
Your dad needs to get rid of this candy he bought. Doesn't he know im trying to fit into my clothes again. The candy bowl is so tempting!
Well baby Im going to shut the computer down for a while. I love you SO much. I need to go away form all this and the world for a little while. I adore you. I hope you are ok today. I will talk to you later baby boy. OHH your dad is home with the pumpkin spice coffee.

Max im SO cranky all of a sudden, your dad and i started talking about me and my family and my need to be distant. I dont think he understands, then again im not sure if I do either.