:/

Max im a bit sad today. I hate hate hate, how its just turning 6pm and now its completely dark out. This is not helping my mood. Max My dad was ok, im just sad. I did not do well at the range. I did not to bad, for not shooting in a year, but still I did not qualify. But it seemed to come up a lot today that I WAS pregnant. There where new hires at the range. Im sure some where wondering about some of the conversations that I was having with other co-workers. Oh well. Max a co-worker asked what my plans where for the holidays. I told him I was skipping them, he did not seem bothered or question it, which was very nice of him. Another co-worker who gets picked on all the time did so well on the range, I was so happy for him. (Max he is the one that brings me coffee) I tried to convince him to come ride with your daddy. He needs people to be nice to him and treat him like the person he is and not some dumb idiot that everyone walks on. Im glad im his Corporal.  When I got home your dad was mowing the grass and was stopped by the lady that lives behind us. She is a very nice 90 yr old. She asked your dad how I was. He had to tell her about what happened to you. She said she could tell something was off, because she did not see us out walking with the baby. She told him that at first she thought maybe we did not want to take you outside. But noticed we were never with you. She told your daddy that we should not give up. That was sweet of her. Max I did not know she was 90! She looks and gets around so well.

Max I just feel depressed today. I have not been crying, or been angry. I just feel low. Im ready for bed. I want to take some melatonin and go to sleep. That probably for the better.
Max I really want to eat lots and lots of bad for me food and then get rid of it. But its been so long and thats because of you. sometimes I feel like puking is the only thing thats going to make me feel better. The only thing that will clear my head, make me relax.I promised you I will never puke again. But it seems to be getting harder and harder lately, Ya Im going to go to sleep.

Max baby, sometimes I worry that im going to watch what I say to you because of people that can see this. I know theres not that many. But the day I feel the need to hold back what I have to say to you, is the day I need to start over, and make you private. Sometimes I feel bad that some have access and others dont but, it better that way. Its fine the way it is. So far im not worried about who can see our conversations. MAX I LOVE YOU, tomorrow will be 3 long months since you died........Goodnight my love im better off going to sleep. (I have off tomorrow baby boy)