Hey baby I really hate how im up and then I go down....I was so motivated this morning, but now im stuck in the corner of the couch again. Your dad asked why I was being mean to him!. Sorry, i did not mean to be. Im just extra cranky. I ran so well this morning, This time I ran non-stop for 35 mins. I then did a little lifting. I went to the store got the BC pills and I found this big toad piggy bank. Its big Max. So I decided to buy it, and that ever time its full Im going to find a charity to give it to. Max thanks for allowing me to find it. Im not going to put it in your room I think im going to keep it in the living room.
Max I think im a little crabby because of the holidays. The plan is to do thanksgiving at your daddys mom's house (your grandma) She talked to my mom and they are in on it. I dont think im going to go. Your dad said, that my sister wants to do something for the babys 1st birthday also. I dont want to be there. I dont want to celebrate her first birthday. Its not that im not excited for them, I just dont want to be there. So im going to stay home. I told your daddy not to say anything. I know my mom too well, If I dont go she will be all miserable and decided not to go. I bet she is only going to go to your dads moms, because she thinks its going to be good for me. Or that its what I want. If she knows I dont plan on being there, she wont go and thats not fair to your daddys mom. She wants this, she never host anything. I just am not up for it this year and I really cant be there when they celebrate the babys 1st birthday. Im going to need to stay home with the dog. I really wish I could just see all the other kids. Max I really miss them.
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| Max is written on the other side! |
Max I found out who sent the necklace. I adore it. It makes me so happy and it goes perfect with my other one. I think back to when I was first hired at Devereux and worked in the residential part I was still a newer staff around the holidays. Well I wanted to spend the holidays with my family ( I dont remember if it was thanksgiving or christmas) but this person was willing to work it for me. I will never forget that. Now almost nine years later I still wished I worked there so I could work during the holidays, instead of being home. How awful of me is that. Max this friend now has a beautiful family and I wish I could return the favor. I will never forget that she was willing to work for me that year. I wish that this person was back in the states, but im sure she is much happy over seas.
Max other then the gym and going to the store I have not done much! But neither has your dad so its ok. I am drinking Wawa coffee, with some amazing creamy chocolate from Germany and then we are going to do something around the house.
Now that he told me im being crabby towards your dad im going to stop. I love him so much!
Max I just wanted to talk to you. I Miss you. Even though your not here and the living toads are hibernating I have these. Love you baby boy.
Max's bank is awesome, and it's such a nice idea to donate what you save, I'm sure he'd approve of your plan.
ReplyDeleteI've said it before, but I like repetition...I feel like the most important thing for you right now is to name what your needs are and take care of yourself. If you feel like you can't handle the holidays, I feel like you should honor that, as long as you're not disrespectful about it ( not that I think you would be, so much of this is therapy-talk from my group). But I know the year that my uncle and my horse died right before xmas & thanksgiving, i couldn't stand the idea of celebrating anything and was generally miserable...my aunt took that year off from celebrating. she bought a charlie brown xmas tree and stayed home alone...the next year she was back, maybe she didn't really want to be, but she came back. maybe it's important that Shane be with family and important that you be alone...emotional honesty is not my habit but I'm working on it, and I find I feel really good when I do it...it seems to me that's what youre doing, naming what you feel like you need.
i will be in town next weekend, if d. is still coming, maybe we can plan something? *love & hugs*
Thanks :) I think the first will be to the NILMDTS foundation(the people who took Max's pictures) or towards a car seat for someone, but I don't think change will be enough for a car seat!
ReplyDeleteWell sometimes being an honest person is not good. Its best if I keep my mouth shut and feelings towards my self. I know I cant deal with them all, and I dont want to hurt feelings so I will back out the day of. (by the way Shane knows this plan, he understands now after my Halloween break down). i cant handle hurting anyone, my mom cant take anymore. If I show im miserable im hurting them. Plus I dont want to be around Elisas baby for her first birthday. Im an awful aunt. Another reason to stay home. you know how I am, I say what I think(unless it involves my needs) . Im overly honest in everything(I think thats because I dont think before I speak) EXCEPT what I need, but thats for the best.