Hey there baby boy. I just wanted to tell you that im in love with your little hands and feet. I really could look at them all day. I love those perfect little toes, and your tiny toenails. Sadly I think you would have big, long skinny feet like me. I just love your baby hands with all the lines and wrinkles. Its crazy how much character you have in those hands. I wish I could feel them again. Hold your little fingers, even though they were lifeless. They were still yours and I want to feel them again. I want to smell your hair, feel your soft cheeks. Max I am so grateful they let me kiss you before they took you away. I saw your beautiful baby face, when there was still life in you. Max if I had known then that there was no chance of survival for you, and that nothing could have been done. I think I would have asked to hold you. But then I think maybe you where suffering because you were suffocating. Max I’m missing you a lot. Having lots of regrets. Whishing I could just touch you one more time. Today right now im having a sad time. SO it might be best if I don’t write until im home. My mind is heavy. you dad was awake when I left, he told me he was sad. I asked why, he sad some of it was because he was missing you. I brought him your bear with your ashes inside so he could sleep with you, like I do. Max I’m missing you.
Oh a side note, Bones starts tonight. One of my favorite shows, I was so exicted because Bones and Booth are haivng a baby (even though I know its fictional) but now I dont even care.
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