Hey my little love. Im sorry im in such a strange funk lately. I sometimes feel worse then I did in the beginning. Almost like Im losing the hope that I had. A bit of despair. I need to remind my self that this is not who I am. Im not a woe is me person, Im not negative. Im in general the person who can always see the positive even in the darkest moment, when everyone else is down. I feel like you dying for some reason is really kicking in lately. Maybe its all the reminders around me. Who knows.Im better at dealing with outside life but yet I seem to feel worse.
Im ok right now. I have just been so agitated lately. Im sure im not the best to be around. Good thing your dad still likes me.
Its beautiful outside today. I just got back from a walk with your dad and the dog. We saw my neighbor and talked to her for like a half hour. I felt shut of and distant. She is very nice, she asked if we know what happened yet. Your wonderful dad was able to talk so sweetly about you and yet matter of fact. I love him.
Max today is black friday, last year I went out shopping for everyone and almost finished in one day. This year I would not even think about going out to shop. I know I need to get the kids gifts, i just dont know if I can handle crowded stores and lots and lots of stressed out rude people. Its crazy how whats supposed to be a giving time of year people become different and stressed and lash out. Im sure i have gotten like that i just see things differently this year. We went to wawa yesterday and as I was paying, in the other line there was this man who freaked out and started yelling at the cashier for no reason. He had a small child with him, she looked about 6yrs old. This man was so rude to this poor girl, yes she made a mistake but it was a simple on and she pointed it out. I felt so bad for her, she literally was screamed at in front of lots of people. When I left I gave her credit for being so professional. i felt bad for her, but I felt bad for this mans child and felt the worse for the man. I guess something in his life is making him so angry that he needs to take it out on others. I know im not mean. and would never act like that, but im not always the nicest to your dad. I take a lot of my anger out towards him and its not fair. But something was making that man so angry and that poor girl had to be the scapegoat-OR he is just in general a complete jerk.

Max Im ok right now in this moment. I love the sun shine. Im hungry so im going to eat. Then Im going to go sit outside. I need to take it in while its here.
I love you.