Angry in general but having a decent day.

He there my cute baby. Last night I feel asleep in the couch around 7:30, just for like 20 mins. I was so tired that, I decided to go to bed. Maybe I would be able to sleep. Wrong! I was so tired; I thought just maybe I would sleep. I did not drift off until almost 1 am, and then was up at 4am and then 5:30 am I normally get up around 6 if I don’t have to open. But today I just laid in bed until about 6:30.  It stinks because with the sleeping pills I still don’t sleep well, but with out them I seem to get even less sleep.
I keep hoping it will get easier, but then I remember I was this way before being pregnant. It’s just a lot worse now.
Oh well.....I seem to want to sleep all the time but get very little of it.
Yesterday was ok baby, I felt a little bit ok. The whole day really. I hope today is like that.
Max I really miss you. This month is almost over. Basically 1.5 more days. I can basically say that I have survived this month. November is your month. I know you were born and died in August, but November is when you began.
Max yesterday I realized how angry I am. Last night I read a post by someone on facebook. Talking about people that hate Christmas and about how there is something seriously wrong with people who dont like Christmas. She is a person I went to college with. Max I wanted to be like well maybe if one of your four children died and you have to have your first Christmas with out them-please tell me your going to love it! Now I know that’s not the intention of it, im just an angry mean person lately. But you can’t make such a bold statement with out thinking about it. What if her mom just died before Christmas, husband, or Sister? If her life was different (which I wish it was not) maybe she would think about such things. Even before you died I always thought about others perspectives and what if I were in there shoes. Max I don’t hate the idea of Christmas; I love decorations and all the lights. I love the spirit of it. But this year, yelp I HATE it. Maybe I’m just angry, jealous, and bitter. But unless you’re picking out a babies first ornament for your dead baby, don’t tell me about your disbelief that people don’t like Christmas. Sorry baby. I just get angry and such dumb things.
Then in my all of a sudden being wide awake while I was so tired, I was watching hoarders. There was a lady who's hording was so bad, she even had a bathroom filled of adult diapers. But basically things got out of control and she no longer took care of her self or anything after her sister died. They said she got stuck in time, and could not move on. Well I can’t have that happen to me Max. I don’t want to be stuck in time, but how do you move on. How do I continue life-if one little comment like that makes me so angry.
Well im trying. I love you.