Day 93

Hi baby boy. Today is a new day. I hope its a good day. The horoscopes on the radio this morning said, my day was going to be a 10! That would be nice. Lets see how that works out. Max I slept so bad last night. I think sleeping for less time would be better then waking up all the time. The poor dog, because I seem to be going to bed earlier and earlier each night he has to pee even earlier. I was mad that he woke up, and did not go get your dad who is all ready awake because of work. I think part of my problem baby is that Im just such a light/sensitive sleeper. A pin drop could wake me up most nights. I really could use some coffee.
Max baby I got the calendar today for medications, it puts us well into December. Which is good I did not want it at all in November. The calendar stops on my birthday. Which means it could potentially be better month or an even worse month. Having something to look forward to and focus on does me good I think. I guess every one needs a reason to live, but even more so now. Monday it starts all over again. am I anxious yes, scared-out of my mind. But hopeful yes. Trying to be optimistic that it will work, and terrified that it wont. The good thing is it will be so much simpler then last time. My ovaries don’t have to be stimulated. There will be no hyper stimulation again. The one bad part about that though is I was so sick, but they told me that its normally a good sign. So I wont have that as an indication.
Max your the best thing about me. The best thing that has ever come out of me. I told your daddy that if I am lucky enough to have a sibling for you, that you will always be the oldest and they will know that. You will always be your daddy’s mom's first grandchild and my moms 7th. I won’t let any one take the oldest title away from you. I’m the oldest in my family and it’s an important role. I think it has partly made me who I am.
Max I love you. I wish I could touch your beautiful cheeks right now.