Hi baby sorry I did not say goodnight last night. I had washed the sheets and blankets took some sleeping pills and fell asleep. I love getting in to a freshly made bed.
Today is going to be interesting. Im scheduled to go to the range to qualify on my gun. Max Im not the best at shooting, its not my favorite thing. I’m not a gun person. Also I have not practice in almost a year because of being pregnant with you. I’m very competitive with myself and I don’t like not doing well. I tend to get stuck in my head, over think everything and beat myself up. Im hoping because we are super busy, I wont be able to go. Max im not being negative, but im not going to qualify. There is no way, between lack of practice and nerves. Also I think its chilly today so when my hands get cold they are useless. Im not trying to psych my self to fail, I will fail with out any help from my brain. BUT Max I do get like that before any competition, its like if I know I wont do well, then I wont be to disappointed. I do it the most with when I raced. If I don’t expect much from my self I wont be to mad, and if I do better then I thought then its a surprise! But I hope something happens and I have to stay here. You would think shooting would be a great stress reliever, nope it just adds stress. I tried not to think about it over the weekend so I did not completely psych myself out.
Max I was thinking about how lucky I am with the people in my life, and ironically other then college friends and some here and there. Most of the amazing people in my life I met at Devereux. I worked for 3 different areas of Devereux throughout my 5years. From the residential to family based therapy to social work/case management. I have been lucky to have made some of the greatest friends as well as met some amazing families. Sometimes I regret quitting, but Max baby I was going nowhere and would need to go back to grad school for my masters. At the time I was not ready, nor do we have the money. So I switched careers. Its not that much different really. Max baby im sorry you can’t meet anyone. They are all so supportive in different ways and you would have been lucky to have them in your life.
Oh last night when I was in your room getting your bear, I picked up one of the animal candles from your baby shower and it also smelled like that clay smell, I smell sometimes. I thought that was kind of neat.
Max I need to focus today, I have things to do, work to get done and bullets to shot. Wish me luck. I love you baby boy.
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