Max I woke up to the news like I always do. Well the first story was about a baby abandoned on someone's porch. When they found the baby, she was dead. Max dont people know there are places they can bring the baby to. Max it makes me sad, there are people who cant keep there baby for what ever reason. Maybe that mom thought she was doing a good thing. I dont know. Then there are people who would do anything to have a baby or have there baby back. The baby was brand new, just born. Max baby if someone told me they did not want there baby, i would take them in a heart beat. I would even let them see the baby if they wanted to. It just makes me sad for everyone all around. Why did she feel the need to leave her baby on a strangers porch. Im sure she did not think the baby would die. But why not a hospital or firehouse. The baby would have been safe, and they would not come look for the mom. Max I wish I could have found that little baby. Sadly you just got your self a new friend. Im not mad at the mom, im sad for her. It also makes me sad for you and I . Max i love you.
Max I woke up with a full mind and heavy heart. Missing you a lot over night and when I woke up. I have been thinking about my friend and her family. It cant be easy to watch your mom slowly leave this world. I really don't think knowing versus not knowing makes anything easier. Max it also makes me angry with my self. I have a great mom, I lover her so much, I know she would do anything for all of us. My friend is losing hers, and I for some reason am so angry with my family. To the point where I dont want to be around any of them. Another friend has a sister with a condition that slowly deteriorates her brain. There is no reason that I should be this way. It makes me seem ungrateful and mean. They have done nothing but love me. I dont take them for granted, I am very aware of what I have, Just for some reason I dont want to be around them. What is wrong with me Max. Maybe its because they really wanted you also for me, but you were not theres Max. Yes you were there family, but you were your dad's and my baby. Max this is the feeling I want to go away the most. No one around me deserves this. Max you have good family, you would have loved them , they way they love you. I need to get over this and fix myself.
I guess that is not the best way to wake up. I should start my day in a better mood for you. Max I love you. I need to go take Beanz out my little love. Its just so cold I dont want to get out of bed, even though im wide awake. I love you. Im going to try not to write you untill later. Maybe I need to focus on doing things other then talking to you all the time. :(
Talk to you later little boy.
Lots of things:
ReplyDelete1. I would have understood if you canceled but I'm glad you didn't =)
2. That sandwich ended up upsetting my stomach crazy, which really made me sad because it was really delicious
3. I honestly think how you're feeling about your family is normal. I know I hate to hear this, so I almost can't believe I'm saying it, but everything just takes time...time and then some effort. I would do anything to have my sister be healthy, but her illness has shaped everything in my life that I'm also really grateful for. And there is unconditional love in my life because of her. Someone in group worried about having a baby with downs bc of her age etc (if she got pregnant) and I might have been a little mean about it, and I was like, so what, you think you can't love a child with downs? there are so many worse things that could happen....I can sometimes feel really possessive of sister too, where I don't want anyone else to claim her, because no one else is her sister, only I get to be that. And it makes me sad, because we'll never have a normal relationship, but we do have a relationship and I have chosen to appreciate what we do have. So, I'm rambling. But I guess my point is, to my brain (messed up as it is) I think you're being normal, and in some ways, healthy in how you're dealing. I wish there was something I could say that was actually smart of helpful. But I love you and I hope you have a peaceful night.
That actually was smart and helpful-Thanks
ReplyDeleteIt would not let me post on my own blog for some reason so the anonymous today is me, in case you did not know
ReplyDelete