Feeling emotional and really needed to talk to you, my little love.

Max I just wanted to write real quick because my emotions are a little off and need to be calmed. A little earlier I went to heat up my coffee and go the bathroom; I saw one of the Juvenile probation officers, who I had not seen yet. Max baby I used to work with them all a lot. They all know what happened. Seeing her was ok, she said welcome back with a look. It was ok. Then  I was in the middle of looking things up again and writing questions down to ask the doctor next week, because things are slow right now.  That was ok it was keeping me focused. Still doing ok. I then got a phone call to go out to the duty desk because someone wanted to see me. Well it was an attorney that works a lot here. He knew about your pregnancy and new we had IVF, all of his kids were conceived that way so we always had lots of conversations. He is a very nice man, not the typical lawyer personality you would think of. Max baby he sent you a plant after you died, as well as a card. The plant so far is still alive. I was very touched when he did this because he does not know your dad and I well at all. I was so touched by his kindness, even more so because he sent you a plant. I appreciated all the flowers. They were all for you, but they were so beautiful and I knew they were all going to die like you did. He sent you an actually plant, this just really touched me. Well seeing him really upset me (not in a bad way). He gave me this big hug, and said he just wanted to see how I was doing and glad to hear I was back at work. Ha ha he said that he did not want to make me upset. Why does kindness effect my so strongly. Some people I would have been ok, like going through the motions. When most people ask me how I’m doing I say ok, thank you. Leave it at that. When some ask that same question and I know they really want to hear my answer I tell them the truth. When it comes from people who genuinely are concerned its hard. Max baby im sure im sounding so confusing. Im not in a bad mood, im just emotional. If I did not sit here and write you I would most likely start to cry. I wish I could not be so affected, to bad im not a robot Max baby.
I’m still ok, I just really needed to talk to you. I love you.