Goodnight all you moon light ladies... and rockabye sweet baby Max.

Max im tired, your dads still frustrated. I found out he was asked two times today about if we had you. It effects him a lot more then he admits it I think. Plus with the stres of everything else in his life. Max Baby I had that test , and im crampy now, but nothing to painful. They said the insides look good. But afterwards when I was talking with the nurse about the next steps I had a melt down. I hate how all of a sudden I could not stop crying. Long story short I decided to skip october, I may even skip November. Even though I want to move fast because I feel like my time is running out. The only reason I would skip November is because of you.Thats the month my little love that they put you in me. November 19 was the day you were transfered into me. Here I go crying again, just thinking about it. So maybe we will do all the pills and preperation in november so that they can put your sibling in me in December. Max baby Im having a hard night, I cant stop crying right now. I dont know what made me decide I was skipping this month, when I had been so set on doing it right now. But something just came out of me and I told her to stay on the pill the whole month. Im to emotional right now, and Im afraid I will screw everything up. November is your month when you were created, so december it will be. Max Im going to go lay down, everything is drained out of me. I feel like im falling backwards, into a big black hole that does not seem to have a bottem. Im going to go lay down before things get worse. Max I love you, please be ok that I want to try again. And if I need gods permision, or if I should stop trying how am I going to know. Is this my destiny? Im just being selfish and a glunten for wanting......
Max my soul is tired tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. Please know I love you, and need you. I miss that little mouth of yours and those perfect hands.

There's a song that they sing when they take to the highway

A song that they sing when they take to the sea

A song that they sing of their home in the sky

Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep

But singing works just fine for me

So, Goodnight you moonlight ladies

Rockabye sweet baby James (Max)

Deep greens and blues are the colours I choose

Won't you let me go down in my dreams

And rockabye sweet baby James (Max)
(James Taylor)