Hey my little love, today is day 67. I don't know if I should be keeping track of days, wether its good or not, but I still do. I dont think I will ever wake up and not know what day it is. Maybe someday I will be then maybe it will turn into weeks then months, then years. I cant yet imagine what it will feel like to only count months, then years. ha ha Max im surprised i still count days, because anyone will tell you numbers are not my speciality. (neither is spelling, but my math skills may be worse). Hopefully you would have developed your dads smartness. Not sure what I would have wanted you to get from me, your dad is wonderful. ha ha you did inherit my long finger toes, that just means you would have had big feet. You can definitely thank the Campos side of the family.
Max I woke up in a good mood, its sunny outside (but a little colder then I would like) I over slept so much, but I guess that is ok. There is no rule when I need to get up. Its 11 am and your dad is still asleep on the couch. I had so many weird dreams again. I had dreams about doing research on what happened to you. There was also a lot of strange ones I don't remember but they all woke me up, all hot and clammy. Your dad went down stairs after I feel asleep for the first time and did not go to bed till real late. He is not used to going to sleep till after 3 for work, and I actually think he worked a lot last night. I hate when he is on call. I know its part of his job, but the stress and the lack of money he is given for all he does, does not seem worth it. I wish he could find something that makes him happy. He never will though until he is back in medicine. I wish someday his luck will change for him. Your dad has been through so much, that most people would have lost it by now. I hope this year things will change for him.
Max I think today is going to be a good day, well Im going to try to keep it positive. I cant be miserable all the time. Its not fair to you. I cant tell you how sad I am every time I talk to you. I realized in bed when I wrote to you that I was being contradicting. I was complaining about hearing people complain. There are people that have things so much worse then me so maybe what I was doing someone else would have found to be petty. Even with the death of you my life is still so much better then a lot of people. Max I think about that case in Phila where the lady locked all those people in the basement and tortured them for years. Even her own family. Max baby I have a good life. Good family, good friends, and great support. Its my own challenges that hold me back from using my amazing support. I think I can do everything on my own.
(well your dad's up because he just got a work phone call. Here is the start to him being miserable :( all day) .
Any way Max Im sorry for complaining. I love you so much. Max baby, im going to take Beanz for a walk because it is beautiful outside and he is making his I want to go play look. I love you, my little love. Thanks for always being my hope.
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