Hey little love, im doing a little better today in terms of my mood. . Even though im exhausted and feel sick to my stomach. I have a busy day. Im meeting with your NCIU nurse again after work and then there is a support group tonight. Its going to be a long day. I was hoping to be able to go for a run, if my new sneakers come in but I dont know if I will have time or energy.
Max I just puked my guts up and feel like im going to do it again. Before I went out to throw up I was about to tell you that I have to get a test done tomorrow were I need to take an antibiotic today, tomorrow and then then day after. Its the only drug that makes me sick. A half hour after taking it I was throwing it up. Max its one of the only things that makes me sick. I never threw up when I was pregnant with you (unless you count the Hyper ovarian syndrome, which I dont). Im trying to eat a granola bar now, but my stomach is still uneasy. This feeling is awful. But I guess its par for the course. Hopefully its done and I wont vomit again. I wonder If I should call and let them know that it happened. Last time they gave me another doe of it. But I dont know if I want anymore :(
Max I am so tired I feel like If I shut my eyes I will fall asleep. Which is not a good thing when you are at work. My stomach is starting to feel a little better, im just cold and sleepy.
The good thing about work is I can listen to music while Im here. I love music sometimes it makes me feel things I did not know I was feeling. I can also listen to a song and the way it makes me feel is exactly my mood. Sometimes the words dont matter. I just like music alot.Im not sure how to explain myself, it evokes things and allows me to be ok. allows other people to express how I feel. Today my mood is a mix of counting crows, old Live and the newer band naked and Famous. But mostly my good old comforting Counting Crows/Live.
Well Max im eating a plan bagel to help my stomach. I think this is the first time I ate breakfast since you died.
Max baby work is really slow for me, but I should get back to staring at the Screen waiting for something to do and listen to music. (im not sure If I should post now or leave this open for add ons)
Max baby I forgot how much I like Live and there music/lyrics. I was angry with them when they broke up. Live and Counting crows have been my favorite since the mid 90's. Both were my first concerts. Counting Crows was in 96 I think. I wish I could show you all these things and share with you. I wish I could play music for you. I love you
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