Feeling really crabby and angry on this stupid Halloween.

Max baby Im in a really bad mood first im PMSing really bad, and was never moody like this before I got pregnant. Today is Halloween and I was planning on either going to the gym or hiding in the basement. Well your stupid Dad went out and bought candy. He even cleaned the house so I dont have an excuse not to open the door! I thought I made it clear to him that I dont want to have to give out candy and see cute kids in there costumes. He decides to tell me I should and it will be good for me! Well he is not the one giving out candy, now is he! I dont care about the older kids really, I just dont want to see the dressed up babys and there cute costumes. AHHH Max im not angry often but im so frustrated tonight. Im sure it does not help that ill I had was coffee today. I really am agitated. Its also cold outside so, im going to have to keep opening the door. Why am I such a mean person baby boy. This used to be my favorite holiday. I feel on edge like any minute someone is going to be at the door. Max why cant I hide in the basement or run away to the gym. Ill write to you later baby boy, I really am angry, sad, frustrated, tired and just dont want to deal with anything. I feel like such a bad mommy to you.
Max this is going to be a long 2 hours, Im so frustrated with your dad! At least Beanz is being a good boy, with everyone knocking on the door. I guess as long as I have treats he is always good!

Max Im so sorry that I feel like this, but im SO ANGRY tonight and im not an angry person and I dont get like this often. I really just want to throw all all the candy out side in the yard and say F-everyone (dont repeat that word) I only have 30 more minutes until this is over. Im so mad at your dad, for having me do this. Its like every little baby that comes by in there cute costume is just another slap in the face that your not here with me. I in general been having a hard time and tonight is just a reminder after reminder that I will never have you back. Your never coming back. I will never see you again, except on a picture. I will never hear you. Hold you. Max I only got to hold you after you died. (But thats still more then some other mommys) Max I really want you to come back to me. I want this nightmare to end. Max I love kids and babys, but these poor little things come to the door and say "trick or treat" and it takes everything I have to smile. The only thing I can manage is "your welcome" when some say thank you. Max tonight is hard, and this is only the beginning of stupid holidays with out you.
Max its so hard to deal with this. then there are the stupid tears, and all this crying in between each person.
Well baby boy your dad just apologized to me. I think he felt bad when he came out of his office and saw me crying. Im sorry im such a bad mom to you right now. I just love and miss you so much.
Im done i dont care if there is 15 mins left of this stupid Halloween. Shades are down lights off. Max I really should eat something today, but now im to tired and I still have to fold laundry. I need to just quit on this day and go to bed I think.
This is it for tonight you did not need any more crabbiness from me. I LOVE you so much, good night my little love.

Below are your should have been first snow pictures.

Your  would be first snow.

Beanz chewing on a branch that fell during your first snow storm.