8:30
Hey baby boy, im thinking of you. Im kindof in a funk again. Its been 50 days since you died. FIFTY long days, Day 1 and 2 I thought I would not get past a week. Now its been 50 days. Im getting by but just getting by. It does not help that im tired and getting sick. I wish this cold would just come and get over with instead of just lingering. I hate this low that always starts my day. I dont feel like speaking, or ingaging. Everything seems so off and wrong. I keep waiting for this to get better. I have better days and better moments through out the day. I would just like to know when this going to get better. When will I feel normal again. I feel like im in a fog, my body is present but the rest of me is gone. Im just floating by...........
Maybe today in my slow time I can work on ideas for your tattoo. I need something to focus on something to occupy my time. I just am so lost with out you. Empty.
6:45pm
Hey love today was a little busier, so that was helpful. I also spent a lot of down time working on your tattoo idea. I think Im finally getting there. I have a definite foundation. I was able to combine a monkey and a toad. Now to figure out the background details. Your dad says I dont need to worry about that because the back ground ideas can always be added on later. He also said it might be to much for one sitting considering it would be my first. Max so far I think it is perfect! Im not going to show a picture until im done deciding. My mind could change just like that. But baby I figured out the perfect way to combine the two.
Max baby I have such a headache, I hate being on the edge of sickness......
Beanz and I went for a walk a nice long walk. Beanz got to see his neighborhood buddy, you dad thinks that Beanz loves him more. It was an amazing walk baby boy. I saw 13 butterflies and 7 planes take off. We were walking to the airport and there were butterflies all throughout the fields only a couple were alone, but most were in 2's or 3s. They were so fun to watch float around the fields. Some even looked like they were heading up to the big blue sky. The planes taking off were so neat, 4 of the seven were small and different looking. Two were jets. I think people were learning how to take off and land because it was one after another. I love that when the jets take off they always have a huge group of birds underneath. Its like they are taking off with the plan.....every time Max. On our walk I saw geese group together and make there call as they were flying over. Maybe they are heading some where warm.
There was lots to see and take in today on our walk. It was beautiful baby!!
No running today, my head is pounding, legs hurt and the lack of appetite is draining me. Max baby I love you. I should go find food, watch the Phillies and go to sleep.
Im hoping to sleep tonight, last night was awful again.......The dreams are so vivid and I cant seem to sleep longer then an hour at a time.
I love you baby boy!
 |
| Beanz on our walk wanting a treat when I stopped to look at the planes and butterflies. |
 |
| One of the 7 planes. |
No comments:
Post a Comment