Hi my little love. Today is 9 weeks or 63 days however you want to look at it. After you died it seemed like I would not get past each day. Each day seemed like an eternity. Well somehow I made it to 62 days. I still think about making it but its less daunting each day. Now its more like a week at a time. will I make it to the next week. Its mixed feeling because the further time goes, the further you are away from me. October is almost over. Soon it will be December. I actually look forward 2012 for the idea that it is a new year. Not in the sense that im another year older, and childless. This December I will be turning 31. Max baby im one of those people who love birthdays. Well not this year. I do not want to acknowledge that im another year older. Nothing good will come out of having a birthday this year. Well other then having a free day off, that’s a plus.
Max im going to try my hardest again to be positive again. I have to go to a training this afternoon, which I don’t want to go to . Its going to be boring and I will have to focus a little more then i have to right now. I can go with the motions right now, but today I will be adding something else on. I guess it is a good challenge.
Max Im going to try again today. Try to keep positive and think ahead. Sink or swim right Max baby!
Max I love you so much, its amazing how much harder it is to try and be positive. It takes more energy to force myself to be positive and smile. It requires nothing to sit here and be lifeless, like how I feel. But good thing I like a challenge baby boy, and good thing I don’t want to feel lifeless.
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