Good morning baby boy, i woke up in a crabby mood. Im just tired and the lack of sleep is getting to me. But when I went to take Beanz out there was my toad friend the fat guy. You must like him the most. I felt bad because it was raining real hard this morning, I know he is a toad but still he was getting rained on. Even though I did stand there and watch him hop up on the porch. Max I miss you. I was thinking this morning as I was getting ready that November is almost here, and that when I originally planned to go back to work if you were with me. November is going to be hard. Its when you were conceived, I will no longer be in the comfort of the control room, hidden from all the other county workers. I will have to come in and leave at regular time. I will be assigned places where I have to interact and be social. Here I can hide away. November is when your youngest cousin was born so there will be a "babys first birthday", there is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving last year I was SO sick with the hyper ovarian syndrome, but it was ok because it meant my chances of you developing you were good. November starts the official holiday session. Everyone will talk about there family and Christmas. Max am I setting my self up for failure now? NO, I don’t think so. I think im just aware of all the things that November stands for. Max i love my family; I just wish I was not around this year. Max baby, I don’t mean to be sad, when I write to you. I promise its not you that makes me so sad, its the lack of you that does. I think I need to take a break form writing to you right now. Its actually making me really sad. Missing you a lot.