Hey little boy. I always feel the need to write you. I miss you. Thats all there is to it. Tonight was fine. I liked the normalcy. Even though I don't feel normal, it was a normal situation. We got food from Wegmans and just watched dumb TV. I wanted to eat dinner again tonight. Its weird now that im not pregnant with you anymore im back to only eating dinner again. Its because im not hungry at all anymore, so I know I have to eat at some point. I know I need to eat more then one meal a day, its just hard when Im not hungry. Max today I bought a bunch of vegetables and made juice with them. I thought it would be gross, but it was pretty good. I need to be healthy, Ill start drinking vegetables since I don't feel like eating them. Max i also want to stop eating processed foods. I want to be as healthy as possible for when the time comes to give you a sibling to look after. Maybe if I get as healthy as possible, your sibling will stay alive. Max I think I was healthy with you, I promise. But maybe this time I should plan ahead.
Max I feel empty with out you. I wonder if this well every go away. I am so anxious to meet with the doctors, I still don't know what day it will be. Last night I felt like I was back in college working on a research project. I actually enjoy doing research and learning as much as possible before the meeting. Your nurse called me last night, and we were talking a little about it. I think she is also relived something came back. She said she never saw anything like what happened to you.
Max I love looking at your picture of your little face. I love you. Im going to go to sleep im so tired, I wish I could see you in my sleep, i know thats unrealistic I just wish I could see you. I wish I could have held you when you were alive not when you were dead. (but I still got to hold you. ) I should stop writing, its one of those nights were writing makes me miss you more. Goodnight my little love.
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