Where is Heaven? Does it exist?

11:40 (day 47)
Max Im really bored and I miss you so much. Im having a missing you big time kind of day. Your dad and Beanz are sleeping on the couch. I have nothing else to look up on line and Im feeling lost with myself. I wish you were here to be with me.
I was thinking about this heaven thing. I wish I knew how it worked. There have been billions and billions of people who have died. People say you either go to heaven or hell. But how? I would think where ever those places are its so overcrowded. Do you have a cradle? Do you have friends? I want to know how it is for you. Do you not exist and its just a spirt that floats around like a ghost. Do you not take up any space. Are you just like a cloud floating by. Where do people go when they go to heaven. Are you in a tree or in a blade of grass. Where are you? Everyone that dies cant go to the same place. Look at how overcrowded our wold is. I know your body was cremated and others are buried, but how do you exist in this so called heaven. when I die how am I going to know you. Will are sprits connect, or will I never see you again. Then in terms of "see" how will it be. Will I no longer have sight but just know that its you. Why do we not know these things. I want to know where you are and what happens when you die.
I go back to the book/movie "The lovely bones" the scene when she is in heaven. Its her heaven and everyones is different, sometimes they can combine with someone's elses, but its different for each person. The movie made it so pretty and peaceful. Max maybe I will keep that view in my head. I just dont find comfort in telling my self your in heaven, when I have no idea where this place is. Why is it that we humans need to tell or self things to makes are selfs feel better. Why cant we be satisfied with how things are. Like you died, you dont exist anymore. I just cant though, I guess I do need something to believe in. I need to hold on to the concept that you are better off right now, or that your in a better place. All those stupid things people tell you, that you get tired of hearing. Well i guess I need to tell them to my self..........I need to believe you are still out there in this universe and that someday I will meet you again.
I love you my little love.