I need............

Max one of my top favorite movies is on, it's Casper and yes I'm proud to say its in the top five. Well it's making me miss you more then I do.
..........I wish you would come back to me and all I had to do was ask if I could keep you. Just to see you. Just to touch you, smell you, hold you

Oh the test is still negative, there is no more positive thinking. Negative is negative and will still be come Friday morning

Max I'm having a hard time, a really hard time. I took tomorrow off from work because I can't do it. I'm tired of dealing, and smiling, pretending. I would take friday off also but there was not to many supervisors off all ready. I just can't do it. I have nothing, and like I said earlier everything I believed was false. But I so badly wanted to believe it all. But nothing is what it seems,or what you hope.so I need to get it together and stop dreaming and believing in signs that are not reality. How can a dead baby send toads,how can perfectly timed songs be from you. How can the smell of clay come from out of nowhere and be from you. It cant and I'm a fool for believing. I need a day off, a day before the christmas with my family weekend, a day before the bad news Friday and a day to get my self together, don't know if it will help but I'm taking off
Max I need.......something to believe, but what.....