Shop with a cop.

Today "shop with a cop" was a mixed bag of emotions. Before we went I was so miserable, I look awful in the uniform, I hate looking so big. It does not help the shirt is so tight. I have not worn it in so long that I had forgotten my tie bar.  The first part was fine. I did well. I enjoyed shopping with the kids . This year I went with four. There was almost 100 kids this year, last year there were only 70ish. I had 2 girls and 2 boys. The last girl I had was a lot of fun. She kept telling me how nice I was and how she was so happy. She was the sweetest little 7 year old. She was a tiny thing. When we got back to the school everything started to hit me, I kept taking breaks outside. It was not the kids, it was all the other officers and volunteers that had there family and there babies with them. I just got so sad, so overwhelmed with emotions. I dont feel like myself. Normally Im a lot more involved, but I kept needing to get air. Im sure to everyone there I was fine. The people I work with probably had no clue that I feel like such a mess, and that I was not going outside because I was hot, but because I needed a mental break. A co-worker was next to me and said something bout Christmas music, I said I hate christmas music. He started to ask how I could hate it and I think he answered his own questions. He looked at me and then made some really raunchy joke, that made me laugh. Thats the benefit it working with mostly men. When your feeling low they come in with something disgusting or sexual. I actually really appreciate that.
Im home now and really moody. I hate it. I dont want to do anything but stay home. But all week your dad talked about wanting to do things this weekend for my birthday because he is on call next weekend. Well now he wants to go to Phoenxiville for this event tonight. He wants to see his friend who is playing music there. Well there goes spending time with me. But I dont want to go, he needs to have time for him also. Im so moody lately, im not fun to be around. I dont even like being around my self. Im either so sad or so angry. The weekends have been rough lately. Maybe its because I have free time and my sadness takes over. I dont know how he deals with me. I was never like this . I was the opposite of a moody, whiney female. I was not even moody while pregnant with you.
Oh well, someday it will get better.
Max baby Im going to take a nap, or try to. Maybe it will help. (I slept so bad last night)

Part of the police escort to walmart.
Sorry Max the picture is not great.

I am glad I went today. It was worth it despite my emotions. I will do it as long as I can. That last little girl  made me happy. The rest of the time I was the great pretender going through the motions of being normal.