waiting

And the wait is on. I know what it is, I just need the blood conformation.  Today is hard, work is real slow and everyone is around. I can’t wait to go home. It was a person I never met who did the blood work, she was trying to give me false hope, but then the regular person I see all the time came in. She believed me. She knows if it’s not positive by now, its not magically going to turn. That’s when the slow tears started. The other girl also does not know my history, so she was just trying to be positive. Whereas the other one knows, she did not give me any falsehoods or it will be ok. She simply asked how many embryos we still have. And gave me the I’m sorry look, and I think she meant it. I cried on the way to work, but better then when I got to work. I’m doing fine at pretending, just being. I’m sure it will hit me AGAIN when I get the phone call but for now, it is what it is. I can’t change it. I need to accept it. I want this period to come and go fast. 

Max I should be happy its Friday, but nope, this is yet another Christmas celebration. This time with my family. I’m planning my escape, how I’m going to avoid conversations, and eye contact. I will become best friends with my nieces (not the baby) I will bring the computer. I will just get it over with, they need me to be ok a lot more then I do. I can do it for a day.