Qualified!

Hi baby, so far today seems real long, even though its just like any other day. I had a doctor's appointment this morning and then had to go to the range….. Oh I qualified! I actually did well. Then when I was done I did it again for fun/practice and I did even better. I think I get so caught up in my own head, and mess my self up. But I don't like not doing well at things I should be able to do. I am my own worse enemy at times. I was funny because once it no longer mattered I did really well. Who cares though I qualified! Shooting is not so bad when it's for fun. I did not practice at all this year because I was pregnant with you and there was no way I was going to take any risk, because I did not want to do anything to hurt you. (Even though I think it would be ok and in the end you died anyway)

I think the doctors went well, I never really no if what he talks about is good or bad. Some things sounded good other things sounded bad. Like He mumbled something about the C-section scars (inside) when he was looking at my insides. It sounded like a bad thing, with getting placement. But other things he said sounded good.

Max today I'm so tired, but I'm also satisfied that I qualified. That's a big relief.

Your dad only got like 2 hours of sleep and then has to go into work all day for meetings then hands on training, then work 2 hrs in the office and then go to there mandated Christmas party THEN come home and finish his regular shift until 2am. He must be so tired and HE needs sleep or else he is a mess. He has a decent job I just wish they would take into consideration that he works overnights so its hard for him to get up and come into the office. Your poor daddy. I hope he makes it through the day. He gets so frustrated.

I was looking at your pictures last night, the ones after you died. I was looking at all your details. I love them so much. Your little toenails, the wrinkles in your toes and fingers. Everything about you. To me you are perfect. I just wish your face still looked alive. Your face looks like all life is gone and I hate that.