Last night I had a dream that I was in this group, we were out side, I believe I was on the side walk. Everyone was talking about losses. I remember feeling so lonely, everyone there was upset about something, but I felt really empty in my dream. People went around and talked about there loss. But it was weird it was like everyone had to blame someone one. I could only blame myself. No one seemed to upset just bothered. Max In my dream I felt so empty and guilty. The person asked me who I was blaming and I remember saying there is no one to blame other then myself. I remember crying and being in fetal position. I felt so guilty in my dream. I remember saying I’m the only one to blame. I said other things, but I don’t remember what else. It’s amazing how you can physically feel emotions while sleeping.
Max I’m sleepy, last night was rough. The sleep seemed to be getting so much better and now its getting worse again. Maybe because I’m stressed. Sometimes I lay in bed and can’t shut my brain off, but I have not taken any sleeping pills in weeks it seems. I’m done. I was stressing over silly things. Things I can’t control. So I just started counting over and over until I don’t remember counting anymore.
Max I had to open today. I’m tired but I’m well. I’m in the control room. Where it is “controlled” I can say who comes and goes, how loud it is, if conversations are out of hand. It’s safe in here. So that will be a good thing. Today is Friday-another good thing. I’m determined to have a decent day. You are worth it.
I love you
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