Calm

Hi baby,still sick and feeling crappy. It's moving down to my lungs that it always does.i never just get a cold. I don't remember ever just getting a cold. It either turns into asthmatic bronchitis or a sinus infection. Silly immune system. Max when I was pregnant with you it was the healthiest time of my life. I only had 2 sinus infections the whole 9 months. That's a record of healthiness. Max baby this is just a side note, now that I use this iPad I tend to make a lot more mistakes then on the computer. It auto corrects words,like my phone does. I type faster and the keys are closer together causing more mistakes and there is no arrow to move around and fix things. So I apologize. When I write to you. I Don't go back and check what I wrote because I don't feel like I should edit what I write to you. This is my conversation to you. Ok back to now. Max I'm scared, very scared. But right now I'm also ok. You see I have no control. It will either happen or it won't. If it does not happen I will deal with it. We do not have the money to do it again for a while, and that will be the hardest noting that I can't keep trying yes we can try the natural way. I can actually get pregnant the natural way my body just does not produce the progesterone to keep the baby. By the time I would find out I'm pregnant it's to late to use progesterone supplements. I'm tired of having misacriages. AND if it does work that's a whole nother set of anxietys. Either way both outcomes are going to be stressful. I can't get myself upset about them now. There is no point. I don't want to say I'm being negative right now, because it's far from it. I'm not being overly positive either. I'm just being-and that's ok. I can handle this. I am very excited though. I hope you are up there watching. I hope it's going to be ok. I knew when I was able to start in October that I was not emotional ready. I made the best choice to put it on hold. I think I'm ready now. I knew that I could not do it in November, that was your month. Max all I know is either way, it will be ok. (right now) I am calm and ok with what happens. Now come January I may be saying different things. But right now-OK. I'm calm and ok.