:)

Max overall baby boy today was a good day. One of the better days in a long time and im ok with that. Max i love you so much. I actually think im a better  person because of you. Max baby I was given some advice on the way I have been feeling in general towards my guilt and worries for next week. I should be positive and think that it will work. If it does not work im going to be disappointed. i will be disappointed no matter what, wether im positive or not. I wont be more disappointed if im hopeful and it does not work. So there for i should just be hopeful and positive no matter what. One step at a time. Max I guess the first step is to get to monday.
I had good conversation tonight. Its amazing how helpful it is to have someone listen and justify what im feeling is ok. To know that my guilt is normal and ok. Dealing with Christmas. Not many people I know can do that. I guess its one of those things that unless you have been there you will never understand what this is like. But then I would hope that no one would ever have to understand this. Its such a struggle most days just to be ok.
I feel bad for your daddy having to work right now, he is so tired. Max I realized even more tonight how much I love your daddy. He sure has had a tough year. He is amazing and there is no way I could survive this with out him. Your daddy does not read this, so I made sure I told him how wonderful he is.
Max the dog is being a butt head right now. I need to take him out AGAIN!
I love you. Maybe tomorrow will be good as well.
Max I think Im today because I feel hopeful. ok