Day113

Hey my little love. Today is a new day. I love being able to have a new day. I am in the 16 week of you being gone. SIXTEEN feels like forever ago, but other days it seems like only yesterday I heard you cry.

I still have a crazy headache. But I'm trying not to use any medication any more. Other then things that are required. Max I'm assigned to the same place today. I'm less worried though. Who really cares actually? I can't control what people will say to me, Most of the time I can't even control how I will feel. SO I just have to deal with it. With the conversations that I hear in the background, that is life and I need to be better at dealing. Today my head hurts but emotionally I feel slightly better.

Oh Max baby I ordered all those things I was talking about yesterday. A lot of things. It just makes me feel better. Its funny cause I often think if you were here on this earth with me, would I want to buy this many ornaments. Would it be as important? I guess I just feel like I need to hold on to as much of you as I can. The thing that makes me a little sad is that next year I won't be able to put your pictures in an ornament. Each year you should be getting older and I will only have your just born photo and then the dead ones. Each year you should be getting older but instead you will be getting further and further away from me….From my moments with you.

I am ok though. Right now I'm ok.

I love you baby.