The day turned out ok!

well no movies, I got to stay home. I did not have to twist your dads arm, he did not sleep much last night so he is asleep on the couch right now. We did go to the pet store to get more of the dogs treats and then to the grocery store for us, we needed to find food for dinner. I was doing real good with losing weight. But its stopped and I actually feel heavier. Your dad thinks it may be some of the medicine because last year it made me gain weight. If I ever get pregnant again, like you I wont care about the weight its just frustrating now because im not pregnant im just this person who used to be small who is now big. I was in love with the weight when I was pregnant, it was all for you. Your not here. That I think is the part that gives me the most pain.
Max The cat monkey has been a real nut lately. Your dad said last night it looked like he was playing with ghost. I like to think that it is you playing with him. He is the one that goes in your room the most. he is always in there.
Today your dad went to his daddys grave site, today is his birthday. He said he talked about you and asked if you were there with him.
Tomorrow is my friends moms memorial service. I know its going to be sad, but I guess thats the way things are.
Oh a good not though Case-faces cancer continues to improve. Things keep getting better and better. This makes me so happy Max baby. I wish there was some way you could help or talk to someone to keep making her better. This is great news Max baby.
My day turned out to be better then I thought it would. Things were not that bad at work like it seemed like they would be this morning. They work day actually turned out ok. Overall today was an ok day. Im going to be ok with that. Im going to be ok with the fact that I miss you so deeply but today was ok and that I dont always need to feel so sullen. I did nothing to push or challenge myself, I feel fat and sloppy. BUT still today was better then yesterday. I need to learn to be able to except each day is going to be different. One day may be awful the next day ok. For me its the days that are ok and almost normal that for me seem hard to except. I have a hard time excepting that life can continue some days with out you. That I need except life for how it is. AHHH I am going in circles and im sure not making much sense.
I love you so much baby boy, everyday I wake up and keep trying its because of you.