Tears today . Week 18

Max baby I really feel like I could get used to staying home and not working. To bad im not rich. Max my head from these sinus really hurt! Today was pretty emotional, I was right the doctor did ask about you. I started to cry, I did not want to but I could not help it. We started talking about you. I found out that she is friends with the doctor that delivered you. Max having to talk about you being dead, having to say those words broke my heart all over again. I then had to tell her about the transfer so that I was put on a safe antibiotic. She asked if I was in therapy and confirmed that the transfer was yesterday. It seemed as though she was thinking-that's fast. I told her i did go to therapy but I lied about still being in it and said I still go sometime. I did not want to hear an opinion that I need to go. But she did say that maybe I should go once a month. Max I have been in therapy before, I went when you died. Nothing is going to help. Talking to someone who has not been through this will never get it. No amount of training will help. It's different. Yes other things in my life in the past did bennifit. But this nope, it made me angrier. Someone telling you what to do and that they understand the emotion. Nope unless (unfortunately)there child died they will never understand. I know her intentions were good, that's why I pretended I still go now and then. Anyway I was really upset and cried a lot on the way home. But I'm ok now, other then this headache, I'm alright. I really need to do something around the house. Max I'm going to turn your tree on, in your room tonight. I love you, I wonder if you can see the embryos inside my belly. I wonder if they are still growing. I hope they are still in there doing well. I hope they are attaching. I hope they do well.