Ahhhhh

Hi baby boy, I know it may be creepy and some may think it is strange, but I love making these Christmas pictures for you. It's not like I'm framing them or making them Christmas cards or anything.I'm not doing nothing with them except showing them here to you. The he of you in the Santa suit made me laugh.i should your daddy and I think it made him laugh also. So for now it makes me feel good-so what! I feel like poop I'm acting like a big baby being sick. Tomorrow is the day and I am so scared. I have so much fear, I can't help it. I need to wait till nine for shot and then I'm going to bed (hopefully) I know I won't be able to sleep but I'm going to try at least. I'm drinking tons if liquids and lots of soup (I don't even like soup) Max I don't know if it's appropriate, I'm not sure how to pray. I know you should not pray to ask for things, but I really want this to turn out ok. Is it to much to ask for this. I think I need this max baby. I need all good wishes and positive thinking. I realize I have no control over what happens, I get that. But if none does can they please let this happen. Should I stop wishing? Will I be setting my self up for failure.I hope I'm not rushing and being impatient like I always am. It is what it is, I have no control. After tomorrow it will be a long two weeks of waiting and wishing and praying. I can't bargain with god, I can't beg, I can just ask I guess. But then if all that worked I would have you. Is it because I question everything (sorry, I really am that's just my nature)I have no clue how to do this. I love you M mind is spinning in all directions, I can't seem to settle it. Then there is this stress of being sick. Oh well, deep breaths and the reminder that I have no control. Beath in and out right! It will be ok.