Toad watch came!

Hi my little love. Today overall was ok. I had some ups and downs, but I can say today was mostly up. There are some things I'm struggling with baby boy.
There is a guy I work with who when I was pregnant with you, him and his wife were trying to get pregnant. She was on birth control for years and then went off, only after 3 months of trying they decided to go to a fertility doctor. Just three months Max. For your dad and I it was years, five miscarriages and then the IVF. But they want a baby and that I understand. But during the time I was still pregnant with you, we talked about the whole process and how tough it can be. Well I think they did it recently, because I always here him talking about it and now everything is hush hush when I'm around. But Max I think she is pregnant, which is good I guess. But it makes me upset. He is so happy, and yes that's good. But it's still hard for me. I should find joy in it for other people. I want to but it's hard. Then when ever I am around they stop talking. I don't know if that's good for me or bad for me. Yes I hate it and it sucks, but I'm a big girl and will handle it. I can talk to you and Your dad. It's so hard being in a happy world when I'm so sad. It I'm not going to tell people that. It sucks baby boy.

But in a good note, I was on amazon looking at toad things, like I do often because it makes me think of you in a happy way. Well this time I actually bought something. I bought a toad watch. It's a little kids' but I have super small wrist so it's perfect. I have your necklaces and your birth stone, but this is a happy reminder. It's a green that is similar to your birth stone and the band has toads on it. I don't buy myself many things, but this was worth it.

Max this month is almost over, time seems to be going really fast now, and I don't know if I like it. I feel like your drifting further away. What if I don't remember you in my belly. What if I forget your cry. What if someone ask me and I don't remember the time you were born, your weight and all those things. Don't worry
Max I still do but what if as time goes by, you do get further away.

You were born on 8/16/2011@1140 am, 6lbs14oz 22ins long, you lived for 54 mins and died at 1234 pm. You were due on 8/7/11. Max I'm really miss you.