10am

Hi, I don’t feel very well today. Starting last night and today I have a crazy awful headache. Max I have had migraines all my life and this is different. It’s not a migraine, it’s different. I can function with migraines, where as this feels different. Max my stomach hurts also. Oh well.

Max your dad was still awake, when I got up and he told me that there is a meteor shower. Between like 2am and sunrise would be when you could go outside and look. Your dad said after work he went to the gym, to Wawa to get me gas, and the store. He said he was driving around for a while and did not see any, but when he took Beanz out this morning for me for less than 2mins he saw one. On my way into work I was looking for one, I thought I saw a shooting star but I can’t say for certain. BUT im glad your dad did. As much as I dislike winter and the cold, the winter night sky is truly amazing. When it’s a clear night there are so many stars and it is so big and beautiful.

Max staring at that big sky made me really miss you, but its ok. I will always miss you.

Max I’m so tired, I could not sleep last night. The headache was awful and I was thinking about you a lot. I think about you always, but last night I was thinking that when it is my time to die, will I see you again. Have I done enough in my life to get to see you one more time. Last night my head hurt so badly, like it was going to explode. In case it was my last night (because you never know, life is not as predictable as I would like it to be) I held your bear and apologized for everything in my life. Max I need to make sure I see you again. I don’t know how it works; I’m not a saint but I’m not a bad person either. Still though, I wish I knew how to get to you when it’s my time.

Other then not feeling well, today so far is ok. Boring but ok.  There is so much down time, but then just like that it can be crazy busy. I like when that happens,I do well. I hope this headache goes away.

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Hey baby boy. I am glad I'm home. I love being here and it is so cold outside, so I'm all cozy and warm inside. I'm not going to the gym, because my head still hurts, but it is better. I wish I could just go to bed now. Mainly because it's so cold, and I don't feel like doing anything.
Max after i wrote you last, I was heading to the bath room, a coworker stopped me. A fellow supervisor. He actually is a friend of mine, he took me in private and said that he heard what my supervisor and others did last Friday. I first asked how he knew, because I was told that no one knew they were making me go last Friday. Ha well he said "you now how people talk" which is true. For a bunch of supervisors, it's worse then being in high school. Well anyway..... He told me that he disagrees with what they did. He thinks that I'm doing fine and understands that work is work and I need it to be. He told me he thinks I'm doing my job very well, and does not know how I can function so well. (somedays other then I just have to, there is no choice-I don't know either) Well his brother died 2years ago suddenly in Mexico on vacation. He had a really hard time (rightfully so, he was his best friend and brother). I think he gets that this is how I am and don't need to be emotional at work. Then to take the tension away from him being all sensitive he made a joke! He talked a lot to me about his brother, and the struggles he was having over the past two years. I think he feels the need to tell me that I can do the same. I appreciate it and he is a good person, But we are different, I can't!

Max Beanz is restless BUT it's so cold out side, I know he wants to run and play, but brrrr. If you were here, we would be snuggling together. It would be greatest thing ever. It would make this cold winter day all worth it.

I realized tonight that I have nothing to look forward to. I know that sounds bad, but it's ok. Having nothing forward to also leaves me with less disappointment...right?
But Max the good news, is that the days are getting brighter, by that I mean its not as dark. Come 430 it's not not so bad, yes the sun is low, but it's still there.

I wish you were here.