HI Max. All the appointments are done and I am so glad! I had a break down today at the obgyn. My appointment was at 1230 and I wasn't taken back till 1:10. The more I sat in the waiting room the more everything got to me. The worse I became. There were so many pregnant women there today! I was an emotional mess. By the time I got back into the room I could not help crying. For someone who try's so hard to be controlled, I lost all of it. I can go from being so put together, to a complete mess and Sadly I HAVE NO CONTROL over that! I did not see one of the doctors it was the nurse practitioner. It was probably better that way. She apologized for it being so long and me having to sit in the waiting room. She said with my permission she would put it in my chart that I wouldn't have to sit in the waiting room for future appointments. She said the receptionist have no idea what i have been through. She also acknowledged that it has been five months with out you. I appreciated it I couldn't help crying even more the I was. She asked me if I was going to therapy, I understand why, I hate that everyone ask me that. Even though it's been five months she seem surprised I was back at work. I have no choice life goes on wether I'm ready or not! She then asked me if I thought I needed medication. I told her no. Besides even if I thought I did, I won't. Not because I'm against it, but because I need the hope that I can get pregnant and I don't want to jeopardize that.
Max I appreciated how fast she made the exam( not the Waiting) she was very nice and understanding. As much as I hate that place, they are always so nice to me,
Right after that we had to go right to the fertility place. It was good and sad. I was real emotion from the first appointment. We told them we plan to wait awhile, for both emotional and money concerns. But we brought up trying naturally. the good news is that they are willing to help track ovulation , and then put me on progesterone. I was so worried that if we get pregnant it will lead right to a miscarriage, because of my progesterone problems. But every month until we decided to do another embryo transfer, they will monitor me for ovulation. It made me a tiny bit happy on a crappy day. I don't know if emotionally its good or bad , but it gives me something to do I guess for 6 months. The chance of it happening naturally is slim to none,but at least this way if it does, the lack of progesterone won't be a problem.
Max I'm so emotionally tired and drained. I'm ready to go to bed.
Tomorrow is going to be long and this time I have to do car seats, I can't get out of it. I have to deal with installing car seats in happy mom to be's cars.
Max today has been so emotional. I'm done for the evening. Unfortunately tonight might be a Benadryl night. I just want to end the day.
I love you so much, I would like to know when this starts to get easier.
I really miss you. I guess your dad and I survived 5 months with out you.
I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment