Hi baby. It's 7pm and I want to go to bed, I think I'm back to my come home and go to bed phase. I think this headache (yes still) is not helping. I might take another migraine pill tonight and if it does not go away I'm just going to have to wait it out. After work today I went and got another frame for the living room. Your dad thought that I should get two of the same frame for the living room and I agree.

Max I was thinking, maybe your dad and I should look into fostering.but working with Devereux I know how hard it can be. Then I wonder if any would let us foster, because of my grief for you. Would they think, ill never be ready. Maybe i never will be, because i will never be over you. You are always going to be carried with me, and some days my heart hurts so bad from the sadness I feel. Max though I'm pretty sure we would make amazing parents. I need to do more research. Max I really want a bigger family, I want siblings for you. What if I'm not qualified or good enough. All my anxieties kick in. Then I wonder because I'm thinking about it, do you feel like I don't love you or am trying to forget you. NO! I just feel like I have no meaning in my life and am scared that I will never have another baby of my own naturally. So I should consider my other options. I'm sure I'm just thinking, I tend to do that a lot. We can't afford adoption through agency's, but I'm good at research and I need to figure out what our options could be.

For now though, I'm tried and hate this fight. I wish I knew why this had to happen to you and us. I wish you were here and I miss you so much. I wish I could play with you in my sleep. Like it was another world where you and back. If that were the case though, I would never get out of bed. I wonder when this gets easier. I can be distracted, but yet it always comes back to this sadness. This longing to see you to hear you cry just once more. Max I'm so grateful for your pictures, I just wish I could make them comeback to life.