Hi my title boy! Today has been a fast, busy but long day! I feel Ike its 1015 not 715. Last night I had a really hard time. I always miss you but last night I was just so sad, to the point where I was crying, but they just kept coming. Like a steady flow I could not turn off. The tears started on my way home from work for no reason other then the normal sadness. But the. The evening was ok but when I got into bed I could not help it. I feel bad for those clinically depressed all the time. It hurts and it sucks. Sometimes every part of me aches for you. Then with this now week long migraine, that does not help.
So far the sadness is a little better today, my morning went by fast due to good conversation with a friend far away. Then this week at work it is my responsibility to work on the following day scheduling of inmates.( which Max throws me off, I keep thinking its the following day because that's the date I use all day) it keeps me busy and I'm at the other side of the room , and I spend most of the time on the phone with jails, and attorneys. I make the schedule for everyone. I like work stress, and I like being busy. That side of the control room is a lot busier. I then had to go to a supervisors meeting which took most of the afternoon. They decided to rearrange the squads, I have been moved under a new Sgt. The one I will be under now is not emotional. I will learn a lot because he does not do much. Thats good though. But he does make up the rules to accommodate him. I was shocked with the change but ok with it. I think she was shocked as well. I knew they who going to change the squads but. Did not realize they where going to move supervisors around as we'll.
After the meeting and everyone was back where they should be I grew some guts and decided that I need to talk to my big boss. It was a very good conversation and I'm glad I did it. I explained to her that I need work to be work. I need to be treated like everyone else. I told her that yes it is hard, and I struggle daily. But work is a mental break most days from my missing you. I told her that just because. Don't talk about things at work does not mean I'm not dealing with everything. I told her I have never brought my emotions to work, and feel like I should leave my personal problems at home. She then made a comment that things never seem to bother me at work. I then told her that some days at work are really hard, but I deal with it. I then told her that I don't want to be isolated from all other supervisor responsibilities because as hard as it is to deal with the county workers who all know me, it will always be hard so I need to deal with it head on or it may become harder. We then talked about you Max, she keep saying your name in the conversation. She told me that she talked with her 90 some year old mom about you. I talked about how grateful I am for the hospital and nurses for how I was treated and the pictures I have. She acknowledged how hard it is for me and I told her its like learning to breath all over again. Max I'm glad I asked to speak to her. I think it cleared some things up and allowed her to know I'm dealing. I know I need to be better at speaking up, but I'm so darn stubborn and independent. I do wish though that I never had to have that conversation. Either way I felt like I had to clear things up or I would always have this slight anger towards what happened the other week. Now I just hope my Sgt. Does not think I requested to be out from under her.
I then went home and went to the gym. My headache is a lot better today. It's still there and it's there strong, but as bad as it has been, it's still a lot better.
I feel like it should be Friday all ready, either way I have 2 more days of work because I have off Friday.
Max I know I'm writing a lot, but I'm a bit hyper. My mind has been moving fast all day and running sometimes makes me hyper as well. This time my gym work out speed me up. Considering I need to be at work at 6 am tomorrow being this hyper is not a good thing. I also need to eat. I managed to eat a grapefruit through out the whole day, who knew a grapefruit could last that long. Sometimes I have my best workouts when I have not eaten at all. I know it's not good, and it won't continue, but Max the rush is amazing. I have food now though, it's sitting next to me on the coffee table, Beanz is going back and forth from staring at it to looking at me. When I'm done I will enjoy it.
Max if you where here I would not need to write so much, I would talk talk talk to your sweet little face.
I should go eat, and try to relax. I also need to fold a big pile of laundry.
If you can hear me thanks for listening.
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