Lazy sunday

Hi little boy. Its 1pm, but i have been up for a while. Beanz and I went to the pet store, i had to get food, and he picked out a treat. There was a lady there who loved him, She kept saying how much he is a wonderful dog, and he is a great example of a well trained pit mix. That he is a great example on how great they can be, and that they get a bad wrap. He is a good boy! I think you two would have loved each other so much. You would have been two peas in a pod! Max he goes into your room a lot and looks around. I think it is cute.

I have not done much today except laundry. Im not in a bad mod, im just floating. I guess. Max your daddy and I have considered adoption but we cant afford it. We talked about it the other night, when I was having my melt down. He asked if I would be willing to adopt. I told him of course, but  Its crazy that going though an agency can cost around 30,000 dollars. It makes no since, when If i knew someone who was going to give there baby up for adoption, i could go through a lawyer for less then 5,000. I don't get it. Why can only overly wealthy people adopt. Max would you be ok with us being parents to more then just you? i wanted siblings for you. I wanted at least 3 kids. I wanted a noisy house, with siblings fighting, arts and crafts, bedtime stories, homework after school, being domestic and learning how to cook. Yelling at my kids to out there toys away.  I wanted all of that! I still want all of that. I wish you could be a part of it. No matter what, if Im ever able to have a living child, or adopt, you will always be the first and my oldest. Everyone will know that you are my first baby and my Max. You are my will to continue in this life that seems so meaningless at times.

Max I will work on your picture book today. I need to go to the store to get more things for it. I still need to find picture frames for your photos as well. Right now Im just cozy on the couch with your dad and Beanz. We were so productive yesterday we are being lazy today. Lazy days are ok!