Where are the Toads. Day 34

11:15 am Day 34
Good morning little boy. Or should I say afternoon. Your dad and I got up at like 1030. For him it makes sense because he works at night, but me I have no excuse. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I was tired, but my mind was racing. Then I started watching a movie, which made me more awake. I wrote to you in your blue book. I know you know what's in there. I told you how anxious I am to get the mail today. I really hope your pictures are there, but im also nervous.
I hope you are happy with your blog, I hope that you don't mind me talking so much about you.
I hope im not doing anything wrong by sharing what I write to you with other people. Max baby I love you.
I did not see any toads last night again. Are you hiding them from me. Do you think I don't need to see them anymore. Well I do need to see them. I know they are still there, and its just to cold for them at night. Your dad says it because its cold, and would I want them to come out when its to cold for them. Well no I don't want them to die. But thats me being selfish again, I want to see one. Its been 4 days now with out one. When I see them it makes me think your ok OR that your telling me its ok, and that I will be ok. Maybe I don't need to see them as much as I did in the beginning. Was that a gift from you. Every since I came down the stairs the first night I sleep in the bedroom. I saw that little toad hop in your room. We have never had a toad in the upstairs. I want to believe it was you, little boy. Then I started seeing them all the time. I would take Beanz out and there they would be just waiting for me, big ones, fat ones, and little baby ones. every night there they would be. Then they would start to not be there, and just when I started to feel sad and go inside there one would be just looking at me. Now it looks like they may be getting ready to hibernate. I guess its like you little boy. I cant see you anymore but I know your here. When I went for my alone walk the sunset was amazing again. Maybe you were finger painting with all the other angels up there.

Today Im going to try and go the gym. Call the doctor about the prescription and the dreaded grocery shopping. (im only doing that if Shane goes) Lets see if I can get one of those things done. Max when I was pregnant with you I promised I was going to be more domestic like when you came. Well im still not!