Relax, drop your arms, breath in and out slowly, head up, don't look back look forward, one step at a time. Step over, step over, its mind over matter, Focus on an object ahead and reach it then keep going............
Those are things I have been told and have told my self over and over and over. When I RUN! It took me years to listen and to learn how to do it efficiently. But running has been my life. When I run I feel free, like time does not matter. I can think and process all my thoughts, everything in that moment will be ok. Sometimes the pain in running hurts so much that you feel nothing else and it becomes a distraction. You can cry when you run and people think you are either really sweaty or in physical pain (not mental anguish). You can run for miles or run steep inclines over and over it sucks, but you do it and when your done your tired and it hurts, but it feels good, you proud of what you just did. You still are in pain, but the pain was worth it and the pain gets less or more tolerable.
Max I was running today, not as much as I would like but I ran. All those things were going through my head. I needed to remind my self to breath slow, to relax my body. Not to look down and that I should not stop because I want to, and to reach a destination then try to go further. To remember that I may only be able to run in small amounts but someday I will be running miles and miles. That building up to that is a process and it does not happen over night. Its amazing how much the rules of running apply to life.
Max I love you.
Max we did actually work on the basement today. Today started out ok, as the day went on I got real agitated and angry that your not here. But im a little better right now. I just miss you so much. The reality of having to face life again is hitting me also. What if I cant handle it. I miss you so.....
Max I took your dad on my evening walk , I wanted him to see what I see in the sky, when the sunsets. How I think of you, how I talk to you. How you calm me in the evening. He got to see the sky, I think he saw it the way I do now. Its amazing how much beauty I see in it. I always have loved the clouds and sunset, but there is a different kind of amazement now, its beautiful and its because of you that I see it that way. Im the one that always sees the toads first, well when we get close to our door there was a big fat toad. Thanks for showing your dad first tonight, I think he needed it. Max I love you my little love.
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