Good morning baby boy. I woke up feeling sad again. Today is 6 weeks since you have been gone. I feel like you were just in my belly. I hate that your not in there. I miss you so much. I feel like time is getting further and further away and your going to be forgotten not even a thought in anyones mind. To some, you all ready have been erased. And thats ok, life goes on but I cant Or wont ever forget you. I cant go a min with out thinking of you. Max Im starting to feel like this is going to be a really hard week. I hate complaining, I should only be saying wonderful things to you. Its just hard because I miss you beyond words. My life now is so different.
Max today im going to go meet with the nurse who was there when you died. Im going to ask her what they did for you, what she saw. I just want to know all about you.I did not get to see you after you left the room alive until they brought you back to me once you died. She also lost her baby 8 years ago. Max im a little nervous. I appreciate that she wants to help and that she wants to meet with me.
Max this week is going to go so fast and then next week back to the real world. Im not sure if it is good or bad. Right now though it all feels bad. Im also waiting every day for the phone call with the results of the autopsy. I hope they found a reason why you could not be with me. I have a feeling nothing is going to come back, but I need to know why you left this world. I need to know that it is ok. That maybe you would not have been happy here on earth. That maybe you are better where you are. Either way I miss you and it wont bring you back. I just want to know if you are better where you are. I also need to know that I did nothing to you, that no one did anything to you, that i could not have prevented this.
Max I had a friend remember that today was 6 weeks and that this week may be hard. Max I appreciate that she thought of you.
Max I will talk to you later, my little love.
Thinking of you always.
Mommy
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