Hello my little love.... I have been thinking about you all morning. I sleep last night and I woke up feeling better then yesterday. Max sorry I have been so mean in my thinking. Im just sad we dont get to have each other. It seems like some things can come so easy for some and then they have no idea how lucky there are. You were so hard to get and I was so grateful and happy to have you grow in me. Then you died. My world has been changed for ever. But thats ok, I still got to have you for 41 weeks and 2 days. The best time in my life. Yesterday evening was amazing thank you for that. I sometimes wonder if it is really you or if Im just making myself believe those things to make my self ok. Are you just the ashes that I have or are you really out there. I guess I will never know, I just have to believe that its you. I want it to be you.
Its raining today and I find it peaceful. I have an excuse for being lazy today. But today I feel hopeful and positive. Im still struggling and missing you more then I can ever express, but i will be ok with this moment of being ok. The thing that stinks is just like that, I can hear, see, or smell something that brings me back to feeling so low.
Max it is friday. Your dad and I are going to try and organize the basement this weekend. Its going to be hard because we wanted the one room to be your play room. Maybe thats why we see frogs in that room often . Im going to put your picture in there. You can come and play anytime you want.
Max next week is 6 weeks, I go back to the doctors and then the following week to work. Its weird how time moves so slow and fast all at the same time.
Max love I hope your playing with lots of babys and doggies. I hope your meeting wonderful forever friends. I love you my little love. Thinking of you always. I will talk to you later baby boy.
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