Im up real early and functioning (as in doing something) I had a really hard time staying asleep last night. I was up several times, also real sweaty through out the night. I decided to just get up and go lay on the couch.I left your bear that has your ashes up in bed with your dad. I think he needs you, I can share you with him. Normally I do not get up until around 10-11ish. I did not have bad dreams last night, I just remember them being strange. I actually had a dream about toads. I wish I remembered more about it. All I know is that there were toads and I was outside. In one part of the dream there was a huge toad with a snail like bottom because he was so big. I had other weird dreams that I wish I remembered more because like I told you they were weird not bad. I did ask that I see in you in the night. ( I meant your face but I will take anything I can get)
Max I spoke to you a lot last night to me self.
Max do you mind that I share my thoughts to you with other people?
Max baby I woke up and it is raining. I kind of like it. I did not know its was going to rain today though. The rain makes me think of you. It was raining when they implanted you in me. It was raining when I went to the hospital to have you, but it was a nice day when I went home with out you. How does that make any sense. Either way I like the dreary days.
Max im really tired.....
Max I should start drawling and work on your tattoo. I feel like I cant drawl any more. Its also hard to combine a frog and a cute monkey together in a way that makes me represent you. I want the toad or monkey to have angel wings. Maybe both. Maybe on a cloud OR maybe the monkey hanging from a tree, but the tree is sitting on the cloud. Not sure yet. I will know though when its the right one for you. I think the clouds would be a sunset. I like seeing the sun set on our walk in the evenings. I can drawl things that I create and make up. I can drawl crazy creatures, but I have learned I can not drawl cute monkeys. I don't have any tattoos, but I want to get one for you. The pain of the tattoo will not come close to the pain of losing you. I also have to decide where exactly. I wanted it by the your C-section scar. But if I get pregnant again I don't want to ruin it. Maybe on my ribs, or the top of my belly. If its on my back I Max im not sure If I want to see that therapist today. But I guess it gives me something to do.
Max baby I love you. I think Im going to try and take a nap im so tired.
I love you my little love....
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