Day 36 morning and afternoon

Max baby I wrote to you in your book this morning, which Im sure you know but this is just some of what I said to you at 8:30 in the morning...

Thank you for the good sleep. It was short but it was good. I actually woke up early, I think partly because you helped and those loud dogs next door. YOu would think there funny im sure.  I had a dream about you, well I guess it was more for you. I was going to a concert with Sandra and two people I work with in safe kids (car seats). The concert was not for you but I was going for you. It was a way to think of you. I brought a bunch of letters I wrote. I printed them out and even brought a thumb drive for back up. In my dream they were going to be presented. To who and when I dont know. When we were driving there (I was driving) but the back seat was filled with all the flowers you received after you died. There were flowers everywhere. I did not see you but it was a peaceful dream and when I woke up I felt happy. Thanks baby.

I wrote... Max im going to look at your pictures again today. The ones that Ryan took after you died. Well im going to try.  Maybe I should make a photo book, like the one we have from your daddy's and my wedding. I want to frame some but not until I find the right frames.

.....Max can you look after your daddy today. He is sick and not getting enough sleep. Your so lucky he is your daddy. I think he is under a lot of stress, I know he misses you. Maybe you can send him good dreams tonight, or some peaceful sleep

Now it is almost 1pm. Max I wrote a thank you letter to Ryan the photographer. I did not intend it two be four pages long. Good thing I did not write in the card or I would have ran out of room. Those pictures are beautiful and painful all at the same time. I don't think my letter even came close to the amount of gratitude I feel towards a complete stranger.

Today Beanz is going to see Julie and do some agility. I wish you were able to see how good he is. You would love your doggie brother. I hope Im ok going there today. Those people knew I was pregnant with you as well.

Max I will talk to you later. Im trying my hardest to have a good day for you. Im going to go for a walk, I will be looking for you in all that is around me.  Then im going to look up toad houses on the internet for the back yard and to put by your tree. Oh did I tell you we planted the tree Saturday. I made sure that it can be seen from your bedroom window. I hope it grows well.

I love you little boy I will talk to you later.